it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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