I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
