i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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