dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
