who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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