i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
