Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
