So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
