My hand turned me down
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Houston, we have a squirter
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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