Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
