i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
