what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
