Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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