Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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