Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
