One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
