Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Randomize
