idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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