I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
