Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
