That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
