i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
so much tequila, so little girl.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
