and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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