she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
