how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
