i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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