love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
