Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
