That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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