Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
