So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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