the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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