he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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