Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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