dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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