**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
