I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
