"it" just moved
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
