I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
