I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
