I think I am morally bankrupt
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
