Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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