She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
