Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
