you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
