I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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