Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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