yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
