Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
