The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize