I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
