I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
