are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
