THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize