It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
40s are totally the cure
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
