Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
