Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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