just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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