WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
