I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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