my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This is classic penis vs brain.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
