I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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