He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
