im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
