If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Barsexuality is the new black.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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