new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize