I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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