you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
