Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
