My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
