We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I am naked and annoyed.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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