you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
