i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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